"I love you more than songs can say, but I just can't keep running after yesterday"

That one line from John Mayer's song "All we ever do is say good-bye" means so many things to me. It describes perfectly where I am in my life at this very moment. It's so crazy that sixteen words from someone else's mind could describe me so perfectly.

I'm not someone who is big on outward displays of affection. It surprises the crap out of the people who truly know me if I randomly hug them. Affection isn't an easy thing for me. It's not that I don't love anyone, I do. I just never been a 'huggy/cuddly person", even as a child. It bugged my mother to no end but she understood (and understands) that it's just a side effect of me being "Me" :haha: Also, I grew up watching a man who loved a woman that, in the way my evolving teenage brain saw it, used his love against him. Add those things to the fact that I am shy about saying how I actually feel about people and you have one big huge mess.

Now to the reason you needed that background information. I'm sure you've all heard the phrase to the wording of "if you love something, let it go. If it doesn't return to you, it was never yours in the first place" Well, the words "for your own sanity" should be added behind "let it go" There comes a time when we love people too much for Our own good. What it does to us is just unhealthy. We will take anything they hand out just because...well, we love that person. I'm not talking about mental or physical abuse (cause there is never a good reason to stay in the middle of that) but I guess it all kinda works the same. You see the good in this person. No matter what has happened, you see that person that You love. Even when they aren't "that person" anymore. It's like the Cheshire Cat places a pair of rose-colored 'Wonder' glasses on your reason and perception when this person (or people) are involved. You love them. Love is a mystical magical journey. But sometimes, you have to look around and see that you are taking the journey by yourself. Always remember, You have to beware of some gifts.

People grow and change. It never stops happening. You don't "Grow up" when you hit a certain age. As a person, you are constantly changing and evolving. We all just have to cross our fingers that our personal evolving is for the better. That our personal journey doesn't drag anyone or everyone we care about down. But it happens. It's something we have to face. The decisions you make effect the people around you. Sometime it is the smallest word, the smallest action that can cause a chain of events you never saw coming.

We all hope that if something is done with Love that good things will come out of it. Often times that works. Sometimes, it tears everything apart.

I do, and have done, things because I've wanted to do them. I've done them out of love. But I'm sorry to say that now the thing I feared the most has happened. The Mad Hatter removed those rose-colored glasses I received as a gift from the Cheshire Cat and replaced them with a handmade Hat of Reason. There are things I just can't do anymore. My Heart and My Sanity can't break anymore. I've learned the hardest way to beware of some gifts.

I just hope you can all understand.
I Love You More Than Songs Can Say But I Just Can't Keep Running After Yesterday.