The past is a weird thing. It looks different every time you look back at it. Even more so, if it's a part of the past you haven't taken a good look at in a while. Things trigger my memories. Words, actions, statements and memories of others can set off a chain reaction in my head like there was no "yesterday", like time is infinite and just stacked up, layer after layer after layer. look back, you realize that things really weren't as one sided as you once thought. That nothing that happens is very totally one person's fault. You start to see all the things that you did wrong. The things you did that lead to the situations that lead to the actions of the other person start to become just a little clearer.
I'm thinking about one certain situation, obviously. Their name got mentioned in a conversation and I started to honestly think about the situation. And this quote from The Rules of Attraction says it all about how I acted. How I always acted.....
"What does that mean 'know me'? Know me!? Nobody ever knows anybody else, ever! You will never know me."I should really think about that. How could anyone get close to me, even if I had wanted them to, when that was what I thought. I am more aware of it now. Some days I feel like it's still true. But thinking about the past has made me realize that, in some part, I have made it true. I never gave people a chance to actually get to know me. I've been told my whole life that I'm intimidating. Is that why?
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